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Our Socially Anxious Dog

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I haven’t talked too much about our dogs here on the blog yet, and today I’m going to change that. Let me introduce you to our two dogs, Cullen and Ranger.

Cullen is our 2 1/2 year old cocker spaniel/chihuahua mix.

And yes, since everyone always asks, he is named after the Cullens. I’m a nerd and my husband indulges my whims.

Cullen is a slightly spastic and extremely awkward social butterfly. He loves people and other dogs and immediately decides that anyone who enters our house is his new best friend. He loves to cuddle and nothing makes him happier than running laps around the house with his brother chasing him.

And then there’s Ranger. He is our 1 year old lab/german shepherd mix.

Okay, it’s totally obvious that this picture is NOT recent, right? I can’t resist. It’s my favorite photo ever taken of him – we took it on the day we brought him home when he was 7 1/2 weeks old. Adorbs.

Ranger is the dog that this post title is referencing. We’ve had him for most of his life and are confident that he was never abused or anything, but he is the most anxious dog I have ever seen in my life. When we are at home on a normal day with no new people around, he’s fine. He loves his family and he’s a very playful and loving dog. However, he absolutely freaks out when he is introduced to new people. He barks, runs, and shakes. He’s never become aggressive, but he makes it very clear that he does not like unfamiliar people or situations, and he’s terrified the entire time he’s around said new people.

We’ve tried to help Ranger overcome his anxiety, but it’s difficult. We are both very busy between work and school, and we don’t have a ton of time to take our dog out into new situations. Also, Ranger is BIG. Like, 65 pounds and quickly gaining every day. It’s not exactly reassuring when we tell people that he’s harmless and won’t hurt them. He’s scary looking. And strong, which means when he tries to bolt it isn’t fun for anyone.

All of that being said, I’ll get to the point of this post. In an effort to help Ranger come out of his shell, Corey and I decided to take him to the dog park this weekend. He had been a couple of times when he was younger, but we hadn’t taken him since he was about 4 months old and still in his incredibly clumsy phase – he tripped when running and got a pretty bad scrape on his eye.

Ouch!

But, we figured it had been long enough and we were going to try again. Ranger LOVES the idea of going to the dog park (and it’s Cullen’s favorite place ever) so we were all pretty excited to get out of the house and have some fun.

I hooked Ranger’s gentle leader on so that he wouldn’t pull my arm out of my socket as we got close to the park…

He is NOT a fan of the gentle leader!

…and we were off. Both dogs started freaking out when they realized where we were going and Corey and I felt like we were going to have an awesome time. The second we got into the park, Ranger ran off to make friends with another dog who was playing fetch, and things seemed to be going great.

Ranger even found his absolute favorite part of the park – the pond!

Yes, he is trying to eat the water. He’s a strange one.

And then.

(isn’t there always an “and then”?)

Another dog at the park decided he was fascinated with Ranger. As in, would not leave his side.

Ranger seemed fine with this dog at first, but I quickly noticed that he had decided he didn’t really want to play with it. He didn’t mind being chased by the dog, but as soon as the dog tried to actually play, Ranger got a bit testy. He didn’t actually do anything beyond barking and a small warning snap, but I knew the situation could escalate quickly. I could also tell that the dog’s owner was very nervous about Ranger and didn’t really want him around her dog.

On a side note, I feel like that’s slightly unfair. I mean, my dog doesn’t want to play with your dog, so he tells him that in the way that dogs communicate with one another. How else do you expect him to communicate that? It’s not Ranger’s fault your dog was annoyingly persistent.

The same cycle happened several times – Ranger would find a spot to play, that dog would come running after him, Ranger would try to run away, the dog would catch him and try to play, Ranger would bark/snap. Ranger was very patient and never actually got aggressive but I was very worried that he would, so Corey and I made the tough decision to leave after only being there for about 10 minutes.

I almost burst into tears on our walk back to the car.

It seems silly, but it is incredibly difficult to have a dog who is so socially anxious. We could both tell that the only reason Ranger was getting grumpy was because it was a new environment with a ton of new dogs and people, and he wanted to just be left alone. But, it makes me so sad to know that he is just not the type of dog that I can take to the dog park. Or over to friend’s houses. Or our to Petsmart or Home Depot. It’s just too stressful for all of us.

On the ride home, Corey mentioned that maybe part of the reason Ranger was so stressed was because he remembered what happened the last time he was there and connected that incident to the dog park. I thought that might be a good point, and once we got home, I found something that justified Ranger’s response even further. I was about to take him to get a bath when I noticed some blood on his neck…and I found this:

It doesn’t look like much, but my guess is that the first time that dog tried to play with him he accidentally bit down and got Ranger in the neck. And then after that, Ranger was done playing with him. My poor dog – I think something is trying to tell me that maybe the dog park just isn’t the right place for him.

So, that’s the story of my socially anxious dog. I know that this particular incident is pretty understandable for him to react this way, but Corey and I really struggle when it comes to other social situations. We don’t know what to do to help him realize that people are nice and not out to hurt him. It makes me really sad to see him so needlessly stressed out, but I’m hoping that it’s something he’ll get over in time.

Do you have dogs with any unusual quirks like Ranger’s? Tell me about them – make me feel better!

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  1. Hello! I was looking through Google images, at the Cocker Spaniel-Chihuahua mixes and your dog, Cullen popped up. My dog, Wennie (also a cocker-chihuahua) happens to look a TON like him! The resemblance is crazy. From the pictures, they look like twins! If you want to exchange pics, email me at [email protected].. Thanks!

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  2. THANK YOU for the long reply! This is all really helpful! It’s so interesting to hear you say that about people ignoring him — we’ve found the same exact thing with Macy. The people who don’t listen to us (usually the “No, no, dogs love me, you’ll see” people) will NEVER earn Macy’s approval, ever. She’s got an incredible memory!
    We need to get a Thundershirt! We put a T-shirt on Macy on Halloween and took her outside to sit in our cul-de-sac while we handed out candy, and she was surprisingly well-behaved. I thought maybe she was just too embarrassed to move, but maybe it was the same effect, hahaha.
    Do you find that having your other dogs around has helped Ranger? We’ve tried putting Macy outside or in another room when guests are over, but she just freaks out and barks her head off. It’s more annoying than actually having her in the room with us! We’re thinking about getting another dog, though, and I’m wondering if she’d be happier being away from us if she had someone to keep her company. I’ve heard that it can calm anxious dogs down in general, too (having a buddy).
    Sorry for ANOTHER long comment with more questions! I just don’t know that many people with anxious dogs — all my friends seem to have perfect ones. Those jerks.

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    • OMG YES, get another dog. We both agree that we will never again have just one dog. It definitely helps Ranger with some of the anxiety – seeing the other dogs get tons of love and attention (since they both beg for it) makes him a little jealous and usually helps him warm up to new people a little faster! Also, aside from the anxiety, it’s just so much easier to have two dogs, as counter-intuitive as that may seem. We found that as soon as we got the second dog we had to spend a lot less time entertaining/playing with them (unless we just want to) and they come to us more for cuddles and the easy stuff. They all wear each other out, which is fantastic. I can’t recommend a second dog enough. Also helps when we have to throw them in the backyard if they’re outside – especially if you have one that likes being outside. Hadley LOVES hanging out outside, so when they’re all locked out there she at least tries to get the other two to play. But I totally feel you on how annoying it is to lock them out when they don’t want to be locked out – Ranger’s pretty bad about jumping up on the door, barking, etc. What I’ve learned is that it always bothers me way more than it bothers our guests…I usually start apologizing profusely and they usually genuinely haven’t even noticed. So, I try to remind myself that I’m more bothered about it than they are, and we’ll just leave them out for a few minutes before letting them in – it’s not worth it to leave them out the whole time unless we have to, haha.

      And yes, I bet the t-shirt on Halloween really was the same effect – anything tight around their chest area is awesome and helps them calm down quite a bit. There’s a science behind it (I work with kids with autism and a lot of them use “squeeze vests” that accomplish the same purpose) but the basic idea is that compression is a very calming thing!

      Hope that helps! And yeah, I don’t know anyone else with anxious dogs either – it’s so hard when you have so many friends with perfect dogs!!!

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  3. So, I read this post when you first wrote it, for sure, but it was before I got my dog. And then today, I was reading your New Year’s post, and this post popped up as a recommended one at the bottom, and I decided to give it another read.
    I just wanted to comment to say I CAN SO RELATE. We’ve had our dog for a little over two and a half years now, and she has improved, but we still really struggle with having people over our house (unlike Ranger, Macy DOES get aggressive) and it’s so sad to know we can’t really bring her anywhere.
    I was just wondering if you’ve found any way to help Ranger since you wrote this post. I hope so! I’m always looking for suggestions!

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    • It’s so hard to have a socially inept dog, isn’t it???! Ranger has DEFINITELY gotten better as he’s gotten older, but he is still absolutely not the kind of dog we can bring places. We are at a point now where we are able to have people over without worrying too much (unless they have kids, in which case we usually just go ahead and ban all the dogs to the backyard just to be on the safe side), but we still have to warn people that Ranger isn’t really friendly and won’t be super excited to see them. It took a lot of work, but here are a few of the things that helped:
      – We gave LOTS of treats when people came over – especially when we were trying to get him comfortable with my nieces. We’ve phased this out now, but there were a few months where he got all sorts of awesome stuff anytime someone came over, because we wanted to associate visitors with good things
      – We always (ALWAYS) ask visitors to please just ignore him and let him investigate them on his own terms. Most people listen, some don’t, and he never warms up to the people who don’t. This is probably the most important and helpful step for us.
      – We got a ThunderShirt and put it on when new people are coming (sometimes just a tight sweater works just as well) – it really seems to calm him down and help him not be quite as amped up.
      – We have a “puppy bomb” that works like magic – it’s just an old plastic water bottle filled with coins. When new people arrive and Ranger starts barking like crazy, all I have to do is bring it out and give it a gentle shake, and he doesn’t bark again. It may not work as well for all dogs – Ranger is just abnormally scared of it for some reason – but usually if he even sees the bottle come out, he will calm down. I used to have to shake it pretty hard a few times throughout the night to get him to calm down, but now he knows exactly what it is and he HATES it, so I often don’t even have to shake it anymore. He’s still scared/doesn’t want to come up to people, but it stops the barking, which is nice.
      – We always try to make sure he has his space – he’s a shepherd which means he usually doesn’t like to be out of sight of his “people” so we have a hard time getting him to actually utilize a quiet spot, but we make sure he always has access to our bedroom or the backyard when people come over just in case he wants to hide.
      – We usually try to throw all the dogs outside when visitors first arrive. This is more for the visitors than for the dogs, but it works well. We put the cover on the doggy door and put all the dogs outside until the visitors have come in and are settled. It gives us a chance to warn new people about Ranger and ask them to leave him alone, and it gives Ranger a chance to realize there are new people in his house and get a little bit of barking and energy out of his system before coming inside. He’s usually still pretty worked up when we let him in, but if I show him the “bomb” before letting him in, he usually comes in pretty nicely.
      – We make sure he has free access to us (and lots of praise) when visitors are over. We let him sit on the couch next to us (he usually ends up practically in my lap) and give him lots of petting and praise when he’s being calm. We try not to completely ignore him so he knows we’re still there and in control of the situation.

      Other than that, we’ve also just resigned ourselves to the fact that Ranger will never be the kind of dog we can take places. It’s sad, but we finally accepted that it’s too stressful (for both him and us) and it’s easier to keep him at home. It helped when we got Hadley because she’s the type of dog we can take ANYWHERE and she’s fabulous, so if we go somewhere dog friendly, she’s the one that gets to go. Sometimes we feel guilty for leaving the other two behind all the time (Cullen is WAY too hyper/friendly and won’t stop jumping on people, so we don’t bring him places either), but then we remind ourselves that it’s just too much stimulation for Ranger, and he’s probably much happier at home anyways.

      So, long story short – yes, he’s gotten MUCH better with lots of work and lots of patience from us (we’ve had him for almost four years and it’s just been in the last 6 months or so that we’ve really seen big improvements), but he still isn’t a “friendly” dog. I don’t have any tips for aggression, though – hopefully if you can find a few things that help her feel less anxious, that will help! I think a big thing for us has been making sure to ALWAYS ask new visitors to completely ignore Ranger. It helps him stay a lot calmer. Hope that’s helpful – sorry for the novel, haha, I just always have a lot to say on this topic! 🙂

      Reply

  4. First, I think you’re totally right that your dog was communicating in a healthy way: showing teeth or snapping a little is how dogs communicate, and we definitely shouldn’t discourage that. (Note: Caesar Milan punishes dogs for growling or bearing their teeth… and then we hear stories about dogs who “bit with no warning” – think it’s because we’re not letting them express their warnings??) I think it’s really great that you recognize his body language.

    I used to be a little shy about this but have gotten more outspoken as I’ve learned to read Daphne better, but if it was me at this point (you know, 2 years into having a difficult dog), I would have asked the owner if she could try to redirect her dog, and I would have tried to bring Daph to a different part of the park.

    I don’t think dogs necessarily have specific memories of things that happened at specific places, but if they spent the whole time there feeling anxious last time, they might feel anxious again. The behaviorist I observed last weekend couldn’t say enough good things about Prozac for dogs.

    Is he crate trained? How is he on leash? Seriously, feel free to email me… I would love to talk dog stuff!

    The other thing to remember is that you are FOR SURE not the only person with an anxious pup. And it sounds like he’s really not too bad! It’s great that he has a well-adjusted dog in his life. What I try to do with Daph is just make every experience as positive as I can, which often means shoveling treats into her mouth, and trying to recognize her “I’m uncomfortable” signals – and then getting her out of that situation.

    It sounds like you’re doing the right things, Amanda! Good luck!

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    • I was totally hoping you’d respond to this post, because you’re the most knowledgeable person I know when it comes to this type of stuff! 🙂 I definitely wish that I had been brave enough to speak up – the owner was making some half-hearted attempts to get her dog to back off, but I could tell that it was more because she was nervous about Ranger and less because she actually realized her dog was being a nuisance.

      Yes, he’s crate trained but he’s not really a huge fan of his crate. He does okay in it, but he’s definitely not one of those dogs that likes to hang out in it. I’d love to talk dog stuff with you sometime, I might hit you up on gchat or something!

      And just know that reading through your training with Daphne has been so helpful for me – I’ve loved knowing that I’m not the only one with an anxious dog, and it’s been so nice to read about what you’re doing with her! I can’t wait to hear more about your animal behavior adventures! 🙂

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  5. I am so sorry for your K9 challenges. We have them too with our German/Lab mix, Dundee. She is a rescue and is very protective of us. Our dog park challenge (bc we have too many house challenges that I’ll take up your entire wall!) is that if she see’s us then she doesn’t play friendly with other dogs. If we are out of site then the plays fine. If our little dog, Jackie-O, is with her then she doesn’t play nice bc she is playing protector, if Jackie-O is out of site then she plays nice. Basically we have thought about dropping her off watching from the car then picking her up again….We wouldn’t do that but sometimes I wish we could – you know so she could run and play and have fun without the stresses and anxieties 🙁

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    • Ranger also gets really protective of Cullen! If he thinks other dogs are being mean to his brother, he’ll chase them off!

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  6. Isn’t it such a bummer to not feel comfortable at the dog park? I would love to take Wrigley and Zoe, but they’re on the other end of the spectrum and they can be little bullies and team up on smaller dogs. It’s scary for me because I don’t want them to hurt another dog and I hate other people looking at me like I’m an asshole. So we just don’t go anymore.

    I’m sorry that Ranger has so much trouble around people and other dogs. Sometimes I wish Cesar Milan was always on hand to help with these kinds of issues!

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  7. First off, both of your pups are so, so cute.

    Second – so sorry to hear about Ranger being a bit socially awkward. Is there another dog park you can take him to, or maybe just another park with less dogs around to bother him? Perhaps making a point to go to a certain spot once or twice every week would help a bit.. but that’s all guessing. I don’t yet have a dog of my own 🙁

    I hate that the other woman was acting like it was Ranger’s fault – it’s absolutely unfair how biased some people are regarding dog breeds and sizes. Even if you have the sweetest dog in the world.. if it’s a pit or a rotweiler or what have you, people will judge. I say, do what’s best for YOUR dog, and others can deal. Especially since that woman’s dog apparently bit Ranger, not the other way around.

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  8. I completely relate to this. Our dog Sly is a rescue, and we have no idea what he endured before we adopted him. He loves us, and he loves my sister, and that. is. it. We’ve discovered he does not like anyone new coming into his territory, and he reacts badly when someone comes into our house. He tries to nip at people’s feet and will growl. We went through a training program, but he was completely fine while there. He got along with the trainer and the other owners and dogs in the class. He gets along with people away from our home. We’ve decided he gets very anxious when people ‘invade’ what he feels is his space. We have to lock him in our bedroom when we have friends over. He’s such a sweetheart to me and my husband, so I wish my friends and family could see that too!

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  9. I feel your pain. Our dog Braeden has severe separation anxiety and social anxiety (to the point where we took him to the a vet who specialized in anxiety disorders in dogs and she prescribed him Clomacalm which he now takes every day). We tried almost every training technique in the book before taking him to a specialist, so I know exactly what you mean about feeling bad about not being able to take Ranger places…it’s really disheartening. When we finally decided to put Braeden on medication, it was a really hard decision for me — on the one hand, I felt like I had failed as a dog owner…that somehow I should have socialized him more in an attempt to make him “better”. But soon, I realized that no amount of socialization would really help, because he has a chemical imbalance in his brain and wouldn’t even be *open* to being socialized with other dogs. Braeden is a lot better now — more calm, less prone to “freak outs” in changes in our daily routine, and much much better around strangers & other dogs….but it’s been a long road to get to this point. Anyway, I don’t want this to come off as a “medicate your dog!” comment, because I definitely don’t mean it that way — like I said, deciding to medicate Braeden was a tough decision for us. But, it is to say that I know what you’re going through, and I’ve been there, and I know it’s really, really hard sometimes. Lots of hugs!

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    • You know medication might be a good thing for Ranger. His 1 year checkup is coming up in a few months, so we may talk to the vet then about what she thinks. We’ve had him for almost a year now, and despite trying our best he isn’t getting any better…I just want him to lead a happy and calm life!

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  10. We have 2 dogs also (actually you got to meet them!), and one of them is extremely anxious and the other is totally fine. But, our dog’s anxiety is different from Ranger. She’s scared of noises, like the UPS truck, or the garbage truck, and she FREAKS out and will run to the corner and shake like crazy. I feel so bad for her and I don’t know what to do. I’ve put her on anxiety meds, and it helps a little, but not a ton. Also, she is a little bit obsessed with me and is SO sad when I leave. She’s ok with me going to work, but going out of town for a weekend is hard. She gets so stressed out. So, you’re not alone.

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  11. Dogs have such extensive personalities, including anxiety! I’ve never had my own dogs, but I know growing up our dogs all had SUCH different personalities, some played well with others and some didn’t. Maybe the dog park in small doses will help with progress in acclimating Ranger to playing with other dogs. Or maybe time during the weekday when there might be less dogs?

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